[20g root bark equivalent]
"I decided I'd take iboga for my 33rd b’day. I took a 20 gram dose approximately 2 months ago and was startled, to say the least, with what it showed me and I felt that I had much more work to do with this plant. So I cooked a 22 gram dose of root bark and reduced it as before to a resin, only this time the resin seemed to dry much more and became a flakey amber colored powder when scraped from the drying dish. From this powder I made up 10.5 capsules. I was beginning to get very nervous as the time for dosing approached. My egoic mind was trying everything it could think of to convince me not to go through with it. "You have no right to take this, your not a shaman. Find someone qualified to take the iboga with," or "You don’t need to do this, why are you always pushing yourself? Take it easy, have fun, its your b’day!" The nerves grew to the point of becoming outright terror and I decided I was going to have to face it.
I started meditating, focusing on my breath and how I felt in my body. I allowed the fear I was feeling to be. Giving it room to express itself. I felt as though I would soon be led to my death. That my fate was sealed and there was nothing I could do about it. As I felt all this an image came into my minds eye. I was a prisoner of war and I was being led to my execution. There was no escaping the reality of my impending end. I had to accept it! And so I did. I accepted that I was going to die. And as I did a great peace came upon me and the fear was no more. I was ready. So I retired to the space I had prepared and began eating the caps, 2 at a time. After the first 2 I felt a wonderful warmth emanating from my stomach. I was listening to some Tibetan meditational music and chanting and was feeling so calm that I started to doze off. So I woke myself up and ate another 2 caps and that is all I remember until waking up sometime later in the midst of the trip! I was quite startled waking up like this, I didn’t even remember falling asleep! I've only managed to get less than half of my intended dose down but I'm REALLY feeling it at this point! My heart is beating so fast and everything is rushing and electric. I've got the usual ataxia and vertigo, so I just lay still and keep my eyes closed. It's not long 'til I’m slipping into dreams.
The other times I’ve taken iboga I’m very much accompanied by a constant multi-voiced commentary explaining everything that is happening or just commenting to themselves about different things that are happening or reacting within me. This time though there was much less of that. I still experienced some of it but for the most part I was left to be one on one with a reliving of every human interaction or experience that has made me feel uncomfortable and that I’ve chosen to not focus my full attention on. So there was a lot of personal stuff around parents, siblings, lovers etc. that came up and some of it was very rough to focus my full attention on. My first reaction was to want to turn away from it and think of nicer things, but when I attempted to do this I heard voices from the plant reminding me that I was here to face this stuff and that the only way out was through it. And so I just stayed with it and breathed through whatever came up. There were massive amounts of heat leaving my body as I faced really hard or terrifying things. And occasionally I would notice an entity poke its head out from some part of my body where it was working, it reminded me of a mechanic under the hood of a car, and it would say something and pop back in again. I had a couple of black things removed from my brain and also from my throat. This stuff was disposed of. Curiously at one point, (and I wish I could remember the details of what else was going on at this point that may be related), a hand popped out of the ethers and grabbed some shiny round object from my mind and took it seemingly to keep for itself! This got me wondering about inter-dimensional artifacts! :O
Anyways, this whole trip was about facing fear, death, loss and love front on and unguarded. It was about my interactions with fellow humans as well as illustrating the origins of my social behaviour within my own psyche. I came out of this feeling an overwhelming gratitude for the human experience."
~ Happy bEarthday